Outside the Limits
A kid smaller than the rest of the gang, Helix woke without feeling in his hands or feet. Alcohol-induced hypothermia should have killed him during the winter night in a ditch, but he’d lived, and that was the point. Groping upright, he blinked at the blinding haze.
Trees and rushes, a frozen pond, nothing like the dark city he knew. He turned toward a distant clatter and discovered the train tracks at his back. Now, he understood.
Dumping him outside the limits, his new friends had one final test. His head whipped back around, and he stared at the chair.
Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories
Muninn's Memories 
February 8, 2017 at 9:03 am
I’m not sure if they are the sort of people he should want to be friends with… Nice writing.
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February 8, 2017 at 9:06 am
Perhaps not such a good idea. I had a few bad ideas, too, when I was his age. Thanks for reading. Always appreciated.
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February 8, 2017 at 9:11 am
That made me uncomfortable. Which means it was well-written
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February 8, 2017 at 9:13 am
Huge compliment, Neil. I thank you.
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February 8, 2017 at 9:44 am
I am afraid for Helix although I am curious – what final test?
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February 8, 2017 at 9:48 am
He has to retrieve the chair from the ice, Dahlia. I’m afraid for him, too. I doubt his friends are anywhere around if the test goes wrong.
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February 8, 2017 at 9:49 am
Oh no – a chilling thought.
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February 8, 2017 at 10:16 am
Ugh… definitely not real friends…
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February 8, 2017 at 10:20 am
I just hope the sun hasn’t been up too long. Thanks for stopping by, Dale.
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February 8, 2017 at 11:12 am
Friends indeed! Nicely done.
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February 8, 2017 at 11:32 am
With friends like that, … 🙂 Thanks for visiting, Sandra.
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February 8, 2017 at 11:14 am
Peer pressure – it can be so toxic – you nailed it so well.
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February 8, 2017 at 11:32 am
Thank you, Michael.
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February 8, 2017 at 12:47 pm
My immediate reaction? Why would anyone want “friends” like that. And then, well, maybe he was that lonely.
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February 8, 2017 at 12:59 pm
I agree. I think it’s very difficult for many of us to understand why any group or individual would participate in a hazing ritual. Whenever I hear of one, it seems alien and barbaric. Yet, these are human beings, Earthlings, my kin! Weird.
Thanks for visiting. 🙂
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February 8, 2017 at 1:14 pm
Was he about to get hit by the train, too?
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February 8, 2017 at 1:19 pm
Dear Lord, that would have definitely been ugly. Wish I’d thought of it. Thanks, Christine.
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February 9, 2017 at 7:17 am
Many people have woken up in a similar predicament after their stag do 🙂
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February 9, 2017 at 11:02 am
Thank you! I thought so, too. I was afraid people weren’t getting that. My husband did not; his thoughts went straight to the mafia. I guess I write grittier than I thought.
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February 9, 2017 at 8:19 am
I don’t think those are good friends, but I like the way you wrote this. I love the sensory image of waking up and trying to figure out your surroundings.
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February 9, 2017 at 11:01 am
Thank you. I don’t think it’s my best at all. Some details distract and there’s no clear indication of what happens next. When my husband read it, he predicted various scenarios that might take place after Helix stares at the chair. In one way, I guess that’s good, that it made him imagine a lot of possibilities, but I still think I could have written it to provide a more satisfying ending.
I also underestimated–maybe– reader’s familiarity with hazing. Or…maybe my presentation of it seemed more dire than I intended. In my mind, dumping Helix in the ditch after a night of heavy drinking was not necessarily as malicious as it presumably seemed. Nor did the “prank” I imagined, Helix retrieving the chair, seem as evil to me as some incidents I’ve read about in the news in which people have died from abuse.
Yes, it sucked, and it could have gone VERY VERY badly, but there’s always a high probability of that when teenagers are being stupid. Far higher than they realize.
I’m just disappointed I had to explain so much of my story. I feel it’s a mark of failure. 😦
Thanks again for visiting. I appreciate your comments and a chance to unload!
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February 9, 2017 at 12:55 pm
It’s very hard to get a complete story out in 100 words. Don’t despair this was a well written piece. I loved the detail of Helix being “A kid smaller than the rest of the gang.”
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February 9, 2017 at 1:18 pm
🙂 Thanks and thanks for stopping by.
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February 11, 2017 at 12:52 am
You’re welcome! And hmm, I feel like you are thinking too into it. I find readers have their own interpretations on what stories may mean, so it’s good when readers have varying ideas. Yes, you could have made it more clear and direct what was happening, but then it would defeat the “haziness” the character felt. He was waking up, and even the character was unclear on what transpired.
To me, you didn’t fail at all. I was slightly confused and curious, just like the MC was.
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February 9, 2017 at 1:55 pm
I think he needs new friends! How awful. Well told.
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February 9, 2017 at 2:07 pm
Thanks, Laurie. It was pretty awful.
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February 9, 2017 at 4:51 pm
I passed out in the chair and they threw me (chair and all) in the river, but at least it was summer–and those guys wouldn’t have let me drown. Hazing can definitely get out of hand. Great writing. Very real.
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February 9, 2017 at 5:28 pm
Thank you for such a kind comment. You’re welcome to visit anytime, sir. 🙂
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February 10, 2017 at 9:13 am
Dear Kecia,
This had me wondering if it was a fraternity initiation. Not friends I’d want to have.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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February 10, 2017 at 9:28 am
Thanks for visiting, Rochelle. No, not friends I’d want either.
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