Escapee
My interior monologue was a running stream as I struggled down the boulder-strewn corridor. Jen, run, breathe. Only a side stitch, a twisted ankle, a bursting heart. One more ridge, past that tree, that shoulder of stones and debris. The jagged, tumbled rocks reflected my thoughts. Dogs bayed in the distance.
Flee!
I crashed through brush, tripped, slid down a slope of scree on my hands, scraped the skin off my palms.
Radio static filtered through the trees in close proximity.
I skidded to a precipice. Gravel skittered over the edge. A mighty falls thundered in the canyon. I whirled to face an officer who raised his weapon.
He shouted, but his voice was thin, his words lost in the roar.
I smiled, turned to the cliff, and leaped. No way I was going back. At least I was free.
Thank you to Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers for providing prompts and organizing entries. Photo prompt by Pamela S. Canepa.
Muninn's Memories 
June 6, 2017 at 8:12 am
Beautifully described flight.
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June 6, 2017 at 8:12 am
Thank you. 😀
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June 6, 2017 at 8:46 am
The past of your piece is most captivating . Beautiful!
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June 6, 2017 at 8:47 am
Sorry, I meant pace not past 😀
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June 6, 2017 at 10:03 am
Thank you so much. 🙂
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June 6, 2017 at 9:28 am
You carried me into a world of danger, well done.
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June 6, 2017 at 10:04 am
Thank you, Michael.
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June 6, 2017 at 4:02 pm
Excellent story! It kept me on the edge of my seat and I loved the ending. Well done!
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June 6, 2017 at 7:43 pm
Thank you. 🙂
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June 6, 2017 at 4:22 pm
Nice story!
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June 6, 2017 at 7:44 pm
Thanks!
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June 6, 2017 at 5:06 pm
Nice job.
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June 6, 2017 at 7:44 pm
😀
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June 8, 2017 at 1:20 pm
In the first paragraph, I like how breathe and debris play off each other. The musicality of it when I read it was intriguing to me. It is almost like this thriller wrapped in a poem. It echos through the entire piece (like flee, scree, proximity, and free), and I’m curious if that was intentional. I don’t think I’ve noticed that about your writing before.
There are so many wonderful things going on in this piece that I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and will probably forget to mention all of them. But I really enjoyed the visual work you did with the setting of this story, and then there’s this undercurrent that plays through about her running and being chased. And the smile at the end before she leaps was perfect. And it’s really more than an undercurrent, but with each time she scraped her hand or stumbled, I was seeing another brushstroke of the setting being painted before me and I think I allowed myself to get swept away by that. And I want to make sure that doesn’t come across as a bad thing. There were these beautiful elements that combined with the intensity of the story. Exciting story in so many ways, Kecia!
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June 8, 2017 at 2:37 pm
Mandie, you’ve actually noticed something I’ve been trying to remove from my writing. I unconsciously write with rhythm and rhyme. When I see myself lapsing into that, I cut it off. In this piece, where the flow was intentional to generate a fast-pace, it was more appropriate. But, sometimes, it can really be distracting. Instead of the focus being on the story, it’s on this pattern (and the writer).
I did like this one. I think I do action best (like the sci-fi mission with the Bugs) What I suck at is emotion and emotional effects like fear and sadness. I’m either too self-conscious or just haven’t learned the knack of describing emotion without too much sentimentality.
Thanks as always for your comments. Your insights are really useful to me.
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June 8, 2017 at 3:27 pm
Ah yes, nothing kills a story quicker for me than sentimentality. Although, I’m probably guilty of going there myself on occasion.
I’m trying to figure out some of the subtler cues without using cliche body language to indicate the emotion being felt and not flat out telling the reader what the character is feeling.
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June 8, 2017 at 3:36 pm
Writing is hard work!
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June 9, 2017 at 12:01 pm
i HAD TO LOOK FOR GOOGLE SEARCH for the word scree.
i enjoyed your flight to freedom through so many rough hurdles. your story kept me riveted. interesting.
http://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/06/make-or-break.html
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June 9, 2017 at 1:56 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it and learned a new word. Thank you for commenting.
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June 10, 2017 at 11:52 am
Excellent story! I could feel the desperation to flee!
The Mine
Annie at ~McGuffy’s Reader~
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June 10, 2017 at 12:49 pm
Thank you. 🙂
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June 11, 2017 at 10:02 am
Reminds me of a scene in the 1993 film “The Fugitive” starring Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. Kimble (played by Ford) ran into the bowels of a dam and was trapped at the edge of a fall down to the river hundreds of feet below. Gerard (played by Jones) is holding a gun on him intent on capturing the fugitive. Kimble turns and jumps rather than be taken prisoner again. In the case of the film, he miraculously survived the fall. Perhaps your fugitive did as well.
Many years ago, I was told by a man who served in the Navy during World War 2 that it’s possible to survive such a fall into water. He had been trained to jump off the side of a ship feet first using one hand to hold his nose shut and the other arm braced over the first to hold it in place.
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June 11, 2017 at 5:04 pm
Maybe she did. I didn’t peek over the edge. 😀 Thanks for commenting, James.
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