Every Breath You Take, I’ll Be Watching You
Jeff was rowing his boat in a moss-draped swamp on a cloudy night when a glow through the cypress trees made his nape sting. He pulled his oars to drift. Mosquitoes whined.
Her luminous gown skimmed the water’s surface. She stretched her mouth wide. Her chest rose, and a roaring wind rushed past as she drew a colossal breath. She locked her elbows to her sides, flexed, and issued hell’s agony. A spine-jarring shriek.
Waves tossed Jeff’s craft. He clamped his ears, huddled in the bilge, and pleaded for the banshee’s scream to cease.
Maybe not every breath.
Flash Fiction Foray: 100 word-stories
music prompt: Chase Holfelder’s cover of Every Breath You Take
May 9, 2017 at 3:13 pm
I have always thought banshees were so fascinating. Excellent last line.
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May 9, 2017 at 3:21 pm
Thank you. I love the idea of banshees, too.
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May 9, 2017 at 5:08 pm
Creepy. Loved it.
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May 9, 2017 at 5:33 pm
Thanks.
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May 10, 2017 at 3:28 pm
Ooh, very eerie and an interesting twist, I felt you reflected the minor key really well in the tone of your piece. Thanks for taking part!
Best wishes, Matt
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May 10, 2017 at 4:12 pm
Thank you. 🙂 I took the “haunting” quality of the song literally. 😀
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May 14, 2017 at 1:54 pm
Ooo nice take. This guys version is more haunting than the original and you captured that perfectly 🙂
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May 14, 2017 at 2:02 pm
Thank you for reading and commenting. Welcome to my blog.
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May 15, 2017 at 2:06 pm
Creepily brilliant!
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May 15, 2017 at 2:52 pm
Thank you!
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May 16, 2017 at 8:47 am
Wow! Wouldn’t like to be in Jeff’s place. Great atmosphere in so few words…
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May 16, 2017 at 8:52 am
Thank you, Curtis.
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May 29, 2017 at 7:44 am
I love the idea of banshees, too. This guys version is more haunting than the original and you captured that perfectly 🙂
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May 29, 2017 at 9:03 am
Thank you for visiting, kenneth, Welcome to the blog.
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