Boom or Bust
The burning stub drops from Thalia’s lax fingers to the sidewalk, wet with a passing rain. Hunched in her coat, she watches the coral ember fade to grey like the sky. On the damp air, the street performer’s guitar strings twang like sheet metal at the aircraft factory. Frequencies fixed in her mind. His rhythm matches the beat of rivet guns wielded on F-4 doors she built for years. Like the rain, like the cigarette, like the man’s song, the war ended. Yesterday’s layoff, another ending. Thalia drops a coin before walking toward an unemployment line forming down the street.
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Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: 100-word stories
photo prompt: Sunayana MoiPensieve.©
March 21, 2017 at 9:23 am
You made the scene so real I felt like I was there with her and the street performer! So sad that she was laid off from her job but touching that she gave the street performer a coin as she got into the unemployment line! Great story!
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March 21, 2017 at 9:48 am
Thank you. I’m glad you liked it.
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March 21, 2017 at 9:25 am
When one door closes, another one opens. I hope she keeps her head up high and use this chance to discover a career she’s really passionate about 🙂
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March 21, 2017 at 9:48 am
Thank you, Jade. Kind of you to comment.
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March 21, 2017 at 11:18 am
You brought the scene alive with your excellent imagery. Well done, your writing and imagery are growing on me, like a bothersome weed, but still delectable.
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March 21, 2017 at 11:48 am
Thank you, Neel. It was a little scary using the present verb tense. I usually write in past. To make it even scarier, I mentioned past events using the past tense.
I’m glad it still worked for you! Thanks for commenting.
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March 21, 2017 at 12:48 pm
That’s really interesting. You focused on the woman in the background smoking rather than the musician. Well played. I mentioned her in my story, but it would never have occurred to me to make her the protagonist.
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March 21, 2017 at 1:36 pm
She’s the one I identified with immediately. My eye went straight to her. I barely saw the musician, and the guy with the camera didn’t interest me. The woman’s figure was mysterious, and I wanted to know her story. I had twenty ideas for why she was standing there.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
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March 21, 2017 at 8:07 pm
I loved the lyrical nature of your writing, so beautifully done…
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March 21, 2017 at 8:18 pm
What a nice comment. Thank you.
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March 22, 2017 at 7:31 am
I loved how you took a background character and brought her front and centre to the story! And that she still sympathised, despite having been laid off from her job. Let’s hope she lands on her feet soon.
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March 22, 2017 at 7:40 am
Well, they were both between gigs, so to speak. Thanks for your comment.
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March 22, 2017 at 8:43 am
BOOM!
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March 22, 2017 at 11:08 am
Heh. Thanks, Martin.
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March 22, 2017 at 10:13 am
So many lovely bits in this piece like “coral ember,” “sheet metal at the aircraft factory,” and “beat of rivet guns.” Well done, Kecia.
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March 22, 2017 at 11:09 am
Thank you, Mandie. I had a head start. For many, many years, my mom built the doors for the B-52 bomber here in Wichita.
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March 22, 2017 at 11:38 am
Very interesting, and cool that you worked that knowledge into your story.
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March 23, 2017 at 8:51 pm
“coral ember fade to grey like the sky”. “guitar strings twang like sheet metal at the aircraft factory.” Superb writing.
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March 23, 2017 at 9:43 pm
Ahh, thank you, Dahlia. I appreciate the positive feedback.
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March 27, 2017 at 7:01 am
You paint a beautiful human scene. Despite being unemployed she still bothers to share out of her meager resources. I enjoyed this.
I am leaving a link of my YouTube video in the comments. Thank you for checking it out.
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March 27, 2017 at 7:57 am
Thank you.
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