
One Last Time Before We Die
Mark was last out. When he slipped on the stairs, he landed on his back. After the sickening crack, nothing. Snowflakes starred his hair and melted on his lashes. The phone in his pocket lay leagues too far. He blinked, clearing hot, hot tears.
Memories rushed back. His daughter cupped in one palm. She had his eyes, her mother’s mouth. Tears then, too.
Hours later, his tears had frozen; his throat, tattered from screaming. If Mark wanted to say it aloud one last time, he’d have to say it alone in the dark. “Lora, I love you. Never forget that.”
Friday Fictioneers: 100-word stories
February 22, 2017 at 10:35 am
The melting snowflakes were a lovely descriptive touch
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 10:37 am
Thank you, Neil. 🙂 I do appreciate the effort.
LikeLike
February 22, 2017 at 10:49 am
Dang those icy stairs. Lots of beautiful description mixed in with what I imagine was a desperate situation for poor Mark. Nice work on this flash fiction piece, Kecia.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 10:52 am
Thank you for the encouragement, Mandie. I was iffy on the ending. I never like to write “I love you.” In the end, I decided to add it because–gosh darn it–it’s exactly what I would say. Or, maybe, I’ll be more imaginative as I die and “show not tell.” That would be a hoot.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 1:50 pm
I don’t see anything wrong with writing I Love You, there. After all, it was dialogue and it fit perfectly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 2:00 pm
Thank you, Russell. We just had a birth in our family last night, a baby girl, and I was feeling pretty sappy this morning. My mood clearly influenced my story. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 11:58 am
Beautifully written. Lovely description – original and spot on right. Good choices all the way. Nicely done
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 12:28 pm
Thank you, Lynn. That does me good to hear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 4:09 am
Pleasure 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 12:51 pm
What a way to go, a desperate situation. Good writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 12:52 pm
Thank you, Iain. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 1:40 pm
Dear Kecia,
Such a terribly sad story. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 1:41 pm
Thank you, Rochelle. A pleasure as always.
LikeLike
February 22, 2017 at 1:51 pm
How sad. I felt like I was right there watching–helpless. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 2:04 pm
Thank you! That makes me feel great . As a writer, I’m always trying to project something, a visual, a feeling, an idea…and always feeling hopelessly inadequate. It’s nice to know when I’ve finally connected.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 2:55 pm
Gut crunching… that’s all I can say.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 3:00 pm
That’s a lot to say. Thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 4:06 pm
That was beautifully written… So very sad and I agree with Russell… nothing wrong with last words being I love you…
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 4:22 pm
Thanks, Dale. Glad it didn’t come off too badly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 4:13 pm
Well that’s horribly tragic. He never had a chance.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 4:24 pm
No, none, just time to think about it. Time for regrets and no way to share them. Thanks for reading, James.
LikeLike
February 22, 2017 at 4:18 pm
Nicely done tragedy, Kecia
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 4:24 pm
Thank you, C.E.
LikeLike
February 22, 2017 at 4:37 pm
This is partial what I imagine happening to any family member who goes off without their phone – and yet, I’m the one who is the most forgetful about it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 8:38 pm
Honestly, and this may be morbid, but I actual loved how you described the death in only a 100 words. You could feel the emotion, and it wasn’t overly dramatic. It felt reality based to me, someone slipping and realizing it’s the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 8:57 pm
Wow. Thank you so much for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 8:59 pm
No problem!! =)
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 9:07 pm
Few things rip and burn more deeply than loss. You’ve capture it well… well enough to make it really hurt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 22, 2017 at 9:10 pm
Thank you. Very kind of you to say.
LikeLike
February 23, 2017 at 5:59 am
That was so sad. What an awful way to go, lying there helpless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 7:24 am
Happens a lot to old folks. 😦
Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 9:20 am
So sad but also lovely. A horror to think of lying helpless somewhere and not being able to call for help. There is nothing wrong with love as a last thought.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 9:23 am
Our phones can do a lot, but they don’t make us immortal. Thank you for visiting and commenting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 1:45 pm
That was wrenchingly sad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 1:45 pm
Yeah. Thank you for reading and making a comment.
LikeLike
February 23, 2017 at 3:23 pm
This left me heartbroken. I felt his pain and frustration. There were so many “if only’s” in this piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 23, 2017 at 5:14 pm
As I write, it’s difficult for me to recognize the line between maudlin and tragic, so thank you for sharing that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 10:40 am
Wish she could hear those words! So beautifully done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 11:49 am
Thank you for your comment.
LikeLike
February 24, 2017 at 2:18 pm
What a terribly tragic story. Really well written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 2:20 pm
Thank you for saying so, Clare. I appreciate it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 2:29 pm
Heartbreaking and awful. Such a horrible way to go, back broken and freezing to death. Necessary words at the end, but who will hear them?
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 2:34 pm
Thank you for reading and taking time to comment. It means a lot.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 3:36 pm
What a sad and terrible way to pass… it takes a long time, and all the thoughts.. very well written
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 24, 2017 at 3:37 pm
Thank you. Much appreciated.
LikeLike
February 25, 2017 at 6:36 pm
This made me so sad. Beautifully written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 25, 2017 at 6:37 pm
Thank you so much for reading and taking time to comment.
LikeLike
February 27, 2017 at 8:01 am
Terribly sad…
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 27, 2017 at 8:03 am
Thank you for reading, Dahlia.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 27, 2017 at 8:29 am
Lovely, but so sad. I’m sure our last thoughts are for our loved ones 💗 The ones we leave behind and will mourn us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 27, 2017 at 8:41 am
I think they must be. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 28, 2017 at 2:46 pm
What a sad way to die.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 28, 2017 at 3:22 pm
Pretty awful, I agree. Thank you for visiting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 12, 2017 at 9:56 am
Micro-sorrow cunningly evoked…
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 12, 2017 at 10:12 am
Thank you.
LikeLike